Change isn’t always easy when you’re going through life changes.

Janine Dunlop

No, it can’t be you. You must have been born yesterday? I need to talk to someone who has been around since I was a toddler when I became an adult.

Don’t cry. Okay, I’ll talk to you until the real manager arrives. My complaint is:

this everything. You didn’t include “All” in your drop-down list on the complaint form, did you?

Where is the box that says, “It’s all wrong, and I want to record my objection to all of this in strong terms”?

Well, if you’re just going to stand there and stare blankly at me, I’m just going to write a complaint and post it on social media.

Do you need me to be more specific? Good then. What do you have with women?

No, don’t try to distract me by saying you’re a vegetarian and are offended by my terminology.

I’m paraphrasing. Why do you hate women?

Yes, that’s a real question. Because these are women going through menopause, a “change”, a “life change”.

That’s why I need to talk to the supervisor. About the climax.

In medicine, this is called the climacteric period and is considered a stage of development.

But I object to calling “development” anything that turns me into an angry, squealing, door-slamming 50-year-old.

Yes, I know that not all women experience physical or psychological symptoms like night sweats, mood swings, or weight gain. Doesn’t really help the rest though, does it?

Would your employees be able to cope if at the end of each month some were paid and others were beaten? No, I thought not.

A gift, you say? Should I accept this phase of my life? Can we pretend I didn’t hear that?

Because I can think of several things I want to do right now, and “adopting” literally anything isn’t even close to the top of that list.

Perhaps the period pains were enough? Or maybe you thought it would also be fun to watch us women go a little crazy for a few days a month while our hormones drop?

What about giving us less muscle mass than men, rendering most women useless for physical defense? And then to go and give us sole ownership of the pain of childbirth… that’s a bit over the top, don’t you think?

When you put it all together, it starts to look like you don’t love us very much.

Yes, you are right. This stage can be great.

Becoming ourselves, appreciating the process of aging, which is denied to many, passing on wisdom to younger generations – all this is noble and beautiful.

And this stage is great if you like to slowly and steadily transform into your father: moustached, bearded and bald.

I’d tear my beard out if I could see, but apparently you saw fit to conflate this stage of life with failing eyesight.

This stage is interesting if you have always dreamed of replacing rational thinking with volcanic rage.

And if you like sweaty insomnia, you’ll love menopause. I believe we use the mild term “tide” so as not to alarm sensitive listeners.

I think “inner hell raging” is a more accurate description of these events.

I have not yet reached the “grateful” stage of menopause. I am sure it will come. For now, I’m leaning towards the one gift this stage seems to have given me: the ability to express what I think.

Internal hell and insomnia will do that. The truth pours out, not filtered.

No, don’t cry again. Your tears smear my complaint. Now run and take this message to your boss.

You have more than a few unhappy customers with a few words to say about this phase of life. It can be good for business if you listen and take notes!

  • This article first appeared on Exchange exchangeonline platform from Bright Rock, provider of the first ever life insurance that changes with your life. The opinions expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of BrightRock.

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